McDonalds headquarters is in lock down as it tries to stop the leak of its secret sauce formula before it goes viral.
"We've got our own little 24 going on here." Admitted Joe Bigsby, referring to the popular TV show starring Kiefer Sutherland that airs on FOX. Bigsby, who oversees the vast lab where the secret sauce is produced admitted there is at least one rouge agent inside Sauce Lab.
"It's always in the back of your mind." He told reporters gathered in the McDonalds briefing room. "You just pray it doesn't happen on your watch. Well gentlemen, I'm here to tell you that its happened." When asked how high up the leak went, Bigsby deferred to Ralph Alvarez who is head of McDonalds' intelligence operations and a former military special ops agent. "All the way." Alvarez growled.
Special sauce, which was first developed during W.W.II as a radiation burn cream, has been quietly accepted as the reason for McDonalds world wide success ever since they tweaked the formula after finding it written on a french fry bag in the abandoned locker of one of their employees back in 1952. "Right now we're looking at everybody as though they have sauce on their face." Alvarez said with a look that let everyone know just how serious he was. Also at the press conference was Jeff Bittner, who is McDonalds official special sauce taste tester. Bittner was there to reassure a panicky public that he will be going around to all non-McDonalds restaurants to "Ensure that the integrity of our product hasn't been compromised."
When asked to put it in simple terms Bittner whispered, "If I taste special sauce anywhere but on a Big Mac, you better bring in the body bags."
ASSOCIATED PRESS
2 comments:
Nicely written! Where can I go to school to become an official secret sauce taster, what type of degree would be applicable?
Nikki
Much like the Skull and Bones, not much is known about sauce testers. Maybe that's the way it should be.
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