It's official, Ted Carver of Deerborn Michigan has just returned from the worst weekend ever.
Still shaking, Ted recalled his long ordeal at a Vermont bed and breakfast. "It was a nightmare of Victorian proportions," he said as he poured a tall drink in an attempt to ease his anguish. "No TV, weird food and nothing around for 35 miles." When asked why he wanted to go to such a hellish place, he started to shake his head at which point Kim, his wife of 4 years yelled, "Just stop Ted!" Giving further credence to the theory that all bed and breakfast trips are planned by wives of men who have no clue about what they're getting into.
The horror of the weekend had obviously sunk its teeth deep into the previously untarnished marriage.
When a reporter questioned whether Ted might be embellishing his story, he produced a photograph of the staff dressed in full period costumes. An audible gasp went through the room as 2 reporters were seen stumbling towards the exit. Another was heard mumbling about having to call his girlfriend as she'd booked something similar. "Run!" Ted screamed at the ashen newsman, "And pray that there's still time!"
There was a tense moment when Ted reached down and picked up a brochure from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland Ohio. "That's where I wanted to go," the shell shocked vacationer said. "They have Jimi Hendrixs' guitar in there." The mood was quickly shattered when, from the kitchen, a pan was heard to be thrown hard into the sink. "Hendrix!" Ted screamed in the direction of the noise. Kim returned to the room and kindly asked the assembled to, "Please leave her house." her facial expression not matching her pleasant tone.
As we all left, I couldn't help but feel pity for the poor man with the recent scars on his psyche.
"There but for the grace of God go I," I whispered to myself. "There but for the grace of God go I."
It's official, Ted Carver of Deerborn Michigan has just returned from the worst weekend ever.
Still shaking, Ted recalled his long ordeal at a Vermont bed and breakfast. "It was a nightmare of Victorian proportions," he said as he poured a tall drink in an attempt to ease his anguish. "No TV, weird food and nothing around for 35 miles." When asked why he wanted to go to such a hellish place, he started to shake his head at which point Kim, his wife of 4 years yelled, "Just stop Ted!" Giving further credence to the theory that all bed and breakfast trips are planned by wives of men who have no clue about what they're getting into.
The horror of the weekend had obviously sunk its teeth deep into the previously untarnished marriage.
When a reporter questioned whether Ted might be embellishing his story, he produced a photograph of the staff dressed in full period costumes. An audible gasp went through the room as 2 reporters were seen stumbling towards the exit. Another was heard mumbling about having to call his girlfriend as she'd booked something similar. "Run!" Ted screamed at the ashen newsman, "And pray that there's still time!"
There was a tense moment when Ted reached down and picked up a brochure from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland Ohio. "That's where I wanted to go," the shell shocked vacationer said. "They have Jimi Hendrixs' guitar in there." The mood was quickly shattered when, from the kitchen, a pan was heard to be thrown hard into the sink. "Hendrix!" Ted screamed in the direction of the noise. Kim returned to the room and kindly asked the assembled to, "Please leave her house." her facial expression not matching her pleasant tone.
As we all left, I couldn't help but feel pity for the poor man with the recent scars on his psyche.
"There but for the grace of God go I," I whispered to myself. "There but for the grace of God go I." 
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