On Monday doctors at the Mayo Clinic reported a troubling new trend: Beer drinking babies. "We've seen a steady increase in the number of babies coming in that are showing a dependence on alcohol." stated Dr. Gregory Ross, head of chemical dependency treatment at the Rochester, Mn hospital. "At first we just saw 'em being brought in by their parents on Friday and Saturday nights, now it's every day of the week." he added.
Baby psycologist Peggy Crowmen isn't surprised, "Babies have problems just like the rest of us." she said, "In fact between teething, not being able to effectivly communicate your needs and desires and pooping your pants, it can become pretty easy to want to dull your senses."
When asked how the babies are getting the alcohol, Dr. Ross said matter of factly, "Let's face it, if somebody wants something bad enough, their gonna get it."
As if to drive home his point, a 23 month old identified only as Lance, crawled through the automatic sliding doors of the hospital with puke running down the front of his shirt and a bottle of Grolsch in his hand. "See what I mean?" Ross asked the shaken reporters who watched in slience as the baby passed out on top of a pile of old "People" magizines.
When someone asked Dr. Ross about Budweisers new "Ernie the Big Blue Puppy" beer, he became furious. "It's a blatent attempt to cash in on this growing and disturbing trend." he said with a look of hate in his eyes, "I plan on filing a lawsuit on behalf of the parents and all the beer drinking babies everywhere."
If the lawyers need someone to testify on behalf of the hospital, this reporter will gladly give his testimony as to what I saw that day.
The images of the drunken, beer drinking baby will never leave me.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
1 comment:
Now THAT's funny!
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