Researchers were shocked to discover that the Food Pyramid found on every box of dried goods sold throughout the US was nothing but an ordinary everyday triangle. "I'm pretty pissed off about it," Smart shopper Dottie North steamed from the cracker isle before adding, "This is what happens when you put your trust in the government."
The discovery was made at the prestigious Center of Basic Shapes, located in Boulder Colorado. "One of our researchers, Gil Crooner was staying late on the evening of Jan. 12 working on the age old problem of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when he took a break and had a snack of cheese and crackers. While he was eating, he put the box of crackers under the magnifying glass and there it was, staring him in the face like a bull in a china shop." Dr. Stanley Eddy, president of the 82 year old Center told me via web cam adding, "It was a special night for Gil, not only did he make the discovery, he also found a wonderful recipe for a sour cream spinach dip."
When I asked Dr. Eddy what the ramifications of the pyramid to triangle paradigm shift meant, he paused a long time and seemingly chose his words carefully before speaking. "This is huge, we always thought our knowledge of nutrition was handed down from the ancient Egyptians. We now realize that the whole damn thing is just a scam invented by the grain industry." I asked him what can be done about it. "Nothing. Just keep living your life," he told me, "If you give up, they win." I pointed out that it wasn't really something people were going to lose sleep over. "Yeah, I guess your right," he added, "just email the USDA and tell them to rename it I guess."
Growing suspicious, I asked the good doctor about the Centers source of funding. As soon as I did, Dr. Eddy reached for his computer and started shaking it. "I'm losing my connection here." the obviously lying Dr. spoke into the web cam. Before I had a chance to tell him that I could see him messing with the wires he was gone.
The discovery was made at the prestigious Center of Basic Shapes, located in Boulder Colorado. "One of our researchers, Gil Crooner was staying late on the evening of Jan. 12 working on the age old problem of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when he took a break and had a snack of cheese and crackers. While he was eating, he put the box of crackers under the magnifying glass and there it was, staring him in the face like a bull in a china shop." Dr. Stanley Eddy, president of the 82 year old Center told me via web cam adding, "It was a special night for Gil, not only did he make the discovery, he also found a wonderful recipe for a sour cream spinach dip."
When I asked Dr. Eddy what the ramifications of the pyramid to triangle paradigm shift meant, he paused a long time and seemingly chose his words carefully before speaking. "This is huge, we always thought our knowledge of nutrition was handed down from the ancient Egyptians. We now realize that the whole damn thing is just a scam invented by the grain industry." I asked him what can be done about it. "Nothing. Just keep living your life," he told me, "If you give up, they win." I pointed out that it wasn't really something people were going to lose sleep over. "Yeah, I guess your right," he added, "just email the USDA and tell them to rename it I guess."
Growing suspicious, I asked the good doctor about the Centers source of funding. As soon as I did, Dr. Eddy reached for his computer and started shaking it. "I'm losing my connection here." the obviously lying Dr. spoke into the web cam. Before I had a chance to tell him that I could see him messing with the wires he was gone.
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