It's New. Again.

Proving that everything old is new again, Nokia unveiled their new Retro 2K cell phone on Saturday night at a star filled launch party in downtown Burbank. Weighing in at a whopping 3 lbs, the Retro 2K promises to take users back to a time when cell phones were a luxury item only the ultra rich and annoying D-bags could afford. "I think we've tapped a whole new market." Bruce Dickinson, head of Nokia's new product development division told me from the parking lot outside the party.

As I admired the handsome leather carrier attached to his belt that held the phone, I asked Bruce why the Retro 2K was only available in white, "We're staying true to the original." Bruce told me before an annoying sound that turned out to be the cell phone pierced the night. When I inquired about his choice of ring tones, Bruce was quick to point out that the new Retro2K had only one ring tone, another part of it's allure. "Excuse me, I have to take this call." Mr. Dickinson said politely as he reached down and undid the 4 snaps on the carrier; a requirement to free the mammoth monster from its resting place. Using 2 hands, he raised the phone to his ear after punching in the 17 digit access code that allowed him to answer the incoming call. I wanted to listen in on his conversation in order to gauge the clarity but as soon as Mr. Dickinson started talking, he began roaming the parking lot in a zig zag like pattern in a doomed attempt to maintain the connection. Thankfully, the person Bruce was talking to was also standing in the parking lot only 200 feet away and they were able to yell back and forth for the remainder of their conversation.

As the stars began to file out, I moved closer to try and get their opinion of the Retro2K. I spotted the woman who played Mrs. Garrett on "The facts of life" but her advanced age, combined with a fear of her catching the swine flu kept me from getting close enough to talk to her. Next there was rock and roll star Rupert Holmes, best known for the pina colada song (escape) but extreme intoxication prevented me from understanding what he was trying to say. As I watched him being rushed away in a 1989 Ford Taurus, I noted the irony and cursed the sweet coconut concoction that both made him marginally rich and led him down a path of self destruction. A pissed off maintenance man appeared and prepared to hose down the driveway and we were asked to move on, bringing the evenings festive mood to a screeching halt.

Look for Nokia's massive add campaign to kick off this summer in a magazine near you. Keeping with the retro theme, there will be no electronic media advertising. With his brainchild successfully weaned and walking, I'm sure Bruce Dickinson has a bright future developing new products that are really old products. "I have some ideas about CD quality cassette tapes." he told me with a wink. I checked the bottom of my shoes for puke.